I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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