if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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