if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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