great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Randomize
