I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
