So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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