yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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