Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
