I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
