I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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