She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
