It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
