Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
