theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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