did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i dont even know how to be here
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
