what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
