remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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