so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
