When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize