god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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