Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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