please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
