Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
