everyone is single if you try hard enough
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
