what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
