Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i am craving dick and cupcakes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
