Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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