I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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