idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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