yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No subtext here. People are naked.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
