Swine flu. Run for my life!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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