and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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