When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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