with your own penis?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
