I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Everything about him screamed your future.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
