Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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