The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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