FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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