On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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