she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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