The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
