Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I looked at my own cervix.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
