I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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