yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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