god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
