Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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