There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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