I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
