xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
