Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
3pm strippers are depressing
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
