Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
