using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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