This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
