Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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