He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
