what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
