what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
