UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
