You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
