At least make sure they are 18
Why
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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