did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
